Using time-out to guide your child’s behaviour
Summer Fun
Januari 29, 2016中国年（春节的别称）
Februari 2, 2016[:en]By Raising Children Network
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/using_timeout_to_guide_your_childs_behaviour.html
Discipline is teaching children the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. A time-out strategy can be a very effective form of discipline.
What time-out is
If your child is behaving in an unacceptable way, time-out is a behaviour strategy that can help.
Time-out involves taking your child away from interesting activities and not giving your child attention for a short period of time.
Time-out works best when it’s used with other child behaviour strategies – for example, in combination with praise for acceptable behaviour.
How time-out works
Time-out is a powerful way to teach children about unacceptable behaviour.
Even young children can understand that when they misbehave, they lose the chance to be around other people and interesting things for a short time. Time-out also gives your child the chance to think about what happened and what she might do differently next time.
And time-out is less likely to make children feel anger, shame or fear than other approaches to discipline such as smacking. Strong emotions such as anger can make it hard for kids to think about what they did wrong.
Time-out works well when the time you spend with your child is warm and loving. If your child’s behaviour, or other things in your life, are affecting the time you spend with your child, talk with your GP or a counsellor.
About quiet time and time-out
There are two types of time-out strategy – quiet time and time-out.
Quiet time
This is when you remove your child from the situation, but not the place. For example, if you’re at the park you might ask your child to sit under a tree. If you’re at home you might ask your child to sit in a chair against the wall in the same room as you.
You can take quiet time with you wherever you go. For example, you can use it in the park, at the supermarket or at a friend’s house. While in quiet time, your child might:
• calm down and feel more in control of his emotions
• see other children behaving in more appropriate ways
• see other children getting attention for positive behaviour
• get the idea that negative behaviour doesn’t get attention.
If your child won’t stay in quiet time in the same room, you can try time-out in another room.
Time-out
In time-out, your child goes to a previously arranged time-out area, such as a spare room or hallway, after misbehaving. The time-out area is usually a safe and boring room or location without toys or games.
You can leave the door of the area open, but if your child comes out before you say so, you can close the door until time-out is over. This can help to stop any battles between you and your child.
Closing the door might be the best choice if time-out leads to very loud or aggressive behaviour – from your child or you. Keeping the door open might be the best choice if you need to supervise your child during time-out.
A disadvantage of time-out is that you might not have access to a time-out area when you leave the house, especially if you’re out in public.
Introducing a time-out strategy in your family
Here are some things to think about before you start using a time-out strategy.
Staying calm
First of all, when you’re using time-out, it’s important to stay calm. If you find yourself getting stressed, try taking a few deep breaths to help relax your body and mind.
How old is your child?
Time-out can be a useful strategy for children aged 2-8 years. Children younger than two years aren’t usually ready for time-out.
Instead you can try praising your toddler when she does something well. Also, toddlers often respond well to distraction or changing the environment as ways to prevent unacceptable behavior.
Around the age of nine years you can start to involve your child in working out limits and rules. This helps him to learn the skills to manage his own behaviour as he grows. Read more in our article on discipline strategies for teenagers.
Is now a good time to start?
Sometimes children start behaving in challenging ways when there have been changes in their lives – for example, the arrival of a baby brother or sister, moving house, starting child care, preschool or school.
You might still choose to use time-out or you might choose to wait until your child has had some time to adjust to the changes. Either way it’s also a good idea to spend some time talking with your child about how she feels about the changes.
Which behaviour would you like to work on?
Think about your child’s behaviour and what you would like to change – for example, hitting or swearing. Keep in mind that it’s best to work on changing one behaviour at a time. When the behaviour you’ve chosen is no longer a problem, you could work on another behaviour – for example, throwing toys.
Do you want to use quiet time, time-out or both?
One option is using quiet time when you’re out in public and time-out when you’re at home.
How long will your child’s time-outs or quiet times be?
They don’t have to be long to be effective. A good rule of thumb is one minute per year of age, up to a maximum of five minutes. For example, three minutes maximum for a three-year-old and five minutes maximum for children aged 5-8 years. You could set a timer to help you keep track of the time.
Where will the time-out area be?
A good time-out spot is boring and safe. A hallway or spare room is ideal. Try to make sure there are no toys around, but also take care that the room is not dark or scary in any way.
Will you give a warning before putting your child in time-out?
You might want to give your child a chance to fix his behaviour before you use time-out. Or you might decide that some behaviour, like hitting or biting, should result in an instant time-out.
If you decide on a warning before time-out, be sure to follow through if your child’s behaviour doesn’t change. Otherwise, time-out won’t work.
How will you explain time-out?
It’s a good idea to talk to your child beforehand and explain what behaviour will lead to a time-out and what will happen. The best time to have this talk is when you’re both feeling calm.
For example, you’ll need to tell your child where she will sit quietly and how long this will last. Answer any questions she has. If you’re not sure whether she has understood, ask her to repeat back what you’ve said.
For younger children, you might practise what will happen using a teddy bear or doll, or even another adult.
Making time-out work for you
By Raising Children Network
If your time-out strategy isn’t working, you’re not alone. Common problems include children refusing to go, challenging behaviour during time-out or leaving time-out. You can make time-out more effective using these tips and solutions.
Seven ways to make your time-out strategy more effective
Time-out can be a good strategy to have in your child behaviour toolkit. Here are some tips for making it work well for you and your child.
1. Minimise attention during time-out or quiet time
Time-out or quiet time for your child is time without your attention. Avoid talking to, or looking at, your child during time-out or quiet time. Just go about your business as if your child wasn’t there.
2. Stay calm
If you lose your cool, you ‘reward’ your child with a dose of negative attention. This might make your child more likely to repeat the unacceptable behaviour. You might find that taking a few deep breaths helps you to relax.
3. Try to have ‘time-in’
‘Time-in’ is the happy, enjoyable time you and your child spend together. You can have time-in when your child is behaving well, and it can include the times when you praise your child’s good behaviour.
Creating time-in might sometimes be a challenge if your child has developed a pattern of negative behaviour, but without time-in, your time-out strategy loses its power.
4. Keep your time-out or quiet time short
Time-out or quiet time can help your child learn that certain kinds of behaviour are unacceptable. But if time-out is too long, your child might forget what it’s about and just feel angry and resentful.
Short time-outs or quiet times that happen straight after unacceptable behaviour are effective learning tools. Keeping it short also means your child has to wait less time to show what she’s learned and how she can behave well.
5. When it’s over, start fresh
When time-out is over, try to focus on something pleasant – for example, ‘What do you want to play with now?’ Avoid reminding your child of what he did wrong – for example, ‘Now, no more hitting your sister’. As soon as possible after the time-out, catch your child being good and praise your child.
6. Follow through
Time-out strategies work best when your child knows what to expect. Your child needs to know that if she behaves in an unacceptable way, she’ll always get a time-out or quiet time.
If your child knows he might be able to get out of it, time-out or quiet time becomes much less powerful.
7. Be consistent
If you have a partner it’s important that you both use time-out in the same way for the same behaviour. Time-out strategies work best when your child knows what to expect from both of you.
If you give a warning and your child doesn’t stop her behaviour or she stops at the last minute, give the time-out or quiet time straight away. If you give lots of warnings but never follow through, your child will learn not to take you seriously.
Four common time-out problems and how to solve them
1. Refusing to go to time-out
If your child is young, you can give him a choice – he can walk on his own, or you can carry him. By the time he’s too big to carry, he’ll be used to time-out or quiet time.
2. Challenging behaviour in time-out and quiet time
If your child’s behaviour is challenging when you give a time-out or quiet time, remind her that time-out begins when she’s quiet.
If your child’s behaviour becomes challenging – for example, he starts screaming before the time-out or quiet time is finished – you might choose to start the time-out again.
3. Repeatedly leaving quiet time
If your child refuses to stay still and quiet in quiet time, you can try time-out in another room. Time-out gives you the option to shut the door and gives your child a clear message that you won’t give her any attention.
4. ‘It’s just not working’
If you have a very strong-willed child, you might be having a hard time enforcing time-out. These ideas might help:
• Look for a reason behind the behaviour. Challenging behaviour might be about strong feelings like anger or jealousy. Helping your child work through these emotions can make it easier to change your child’s behaviour.
• Catch your child being good. Parents sometimes avoid commenting when their child is behaving well because they don’t want to interrupt their child and ‘break the spell’. This means the child gets more attention for bad behaviour than he does when he’s being good. Praising good behaviour when it occurs is a powerful way of getting the good behaviour to happen again.
• Use consequences. For example, if your child won’t go into time-out or quiet time, you can say something like, ‘Zoe, go into time-out now or you’ll miss out on watching television this afternoon’.
• Spend time with your child. You could draw together, paint, tell stories or go to the park. Sometimes challenging behaviour is a cry for attention.
• Ask for help. A professional – such as a counsellor or psychologist – can help you if you’re having trouble managing really challenging behaviour. Ask your GP or child and family health nurse for advice and a referral.
Time-out strategies for children with special needs
Time-out strategies can be useful tools for some children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or developmental delay who get agitated or overwhelmed.
By putting your child in a time-out area, you give her a safe space to work on calming herself. After a short time, such as 2-3 minutes, you can start a relaxing, pleasant activity together.
Things to note
If your child with ASD tends to use aggressive or self-injurious behaviour when he’s agitated, like head-banging or hand-biting, time-out strategies aren’t recommended, because they can reinforce the behaviour.
Some children with ASD who don’t like to interact with others might misbehave as a way of being sent to time-out. In these cases, it’s best not to use time-out. Talk with your child’s doctor or therapist about other ways to manage your child’s behaviour.
Using reward charts successfully
By Raising Children Network
Encouraging your child to change behaviour can be tricky. Reward charts can be a powerful way of kick-starting that change.
The basics
Reward charts, or star charts, are a powerful way of:
• encouraging behaviour you want, such as cleaning teeth without fuss
• discouraging behaviour you don’t want, such as hitting
• Rewarding your child for practising new skills, such as staying next to the trolley when shopping or putting all the toys in a box when asked.
How and why rewards charts work
Reward charts work well for children aged 3-8 years.
You can use reward charts when your child needs to work on changing her behaviour. Your child can collect stickers or tokens for the chart each time she behaves the way you want. She then swaps the stickers for a reward, or rewards, later on.
When your child tries hard to change his behaviour, a reward chart can show him when he’s done a really good job and keep him motivated.
Reward charts can also help you to focus on the positives in your child’s behaviour. This might be helpful if you’ve become frustrated by your child’s behaviour and have been paying more attention to negative behaviour recently.
A reward for good behaviour isn’t the same as bribing your child. The difference is that a bribe is given before the behaviour you want, and a reward is given after. Rewards reinforce good behaviour, but bribes don’t. For example, one reward might be that you let your child choose what’s for dinner if she plays well with friends.
Setting up a reward chart
1. Choose the behaviour you want to change or encourage. Use clear and positive descriptions of the behaviour, and talk with your child about the behaviour you want to see. For example, ‘Pick up all the toys from your bedroom floor’ is clearer and will be easier for your child to understand than ‘Tidy your bedroom’. And ‘Knock before going into other people’s rooms’ is more positive than ‘Don’t invade other people’s privacy.’
2. Set up a chart. You can choose from lots of different styles of charts, or make one yourself. Older children might like to create their own chart, perhaps with a drawing or photo of the reward they’re trying to earn. Put the chart where your child can see it. Keep in mind that your older child might prefer a spot that’s private – for example, his bedroom, instead of on the fridge. Decide which stickers or tokens to use – star stickers work well for younger children, whereas older kids might like points or other markers. Here are a couple of ready-made examples you could download:
o ladybug star chart
o frog in a pond star chart.
3. Choose short-term rewards. Most children start by liking the idea of collecting stickers or tokens, but the novelty can wear off quite quickly. When this happens, swapping the stickers or tokens for some short-term rewards can help them keep their eyes on the main prize. You could let your child choose from a range of objects, events and activities – a family bike ride, special time with mum or dad, staying up late, a hired DVD, or buying a new book or small toy.
4. Give your child the stickers immediately after the behaviour happens. Some specific praise reminds your child why she’s getting the sticker or token. For example, ‘I really like the way you and Mia have been playing and sharing toys this morning. Here’s a star for your chart’.
5. Try to stay positive. If your child doesn’t earn a star, just move on. Also try to avoid punishing your child by saying, ‘I’ll take a star away’, or ‘You won’t get any stars if you keep that up!’ Focus on encouraging your child to try again.
6. Move on from the reward chart. You can gradually stop using the reward chart once your child’s behaviour has changed. For example, you might gradually phase out the reward chart after a few weeks by increasing the length of time between stickers or points. If your child’s getting a sticker each day for unstacking the dishwasher, this could be increased to one sticker every two days. But if you suddenly stop using a reward chart, your child is likely to go back to the old behaviour.
7. Optional step: if your child has a particularly challenging behaviour, you might like to measure the behaviour before you start and while you’re using the reward chart. For example, count how many times, or how often, your child hits. Record this when you start using the chart, then keep track of it as the days pass. This will help you tell if the reward chart is working.
Your child’s charts and rewards can be based on his age and interests. For example, you could use a puzzle as your chart and give your child one piece at a time to build it. Reward charts can also work well for children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or a disability.
Trouble shooting
It works best to have frequent, small rewards. If the length of time between the sticker and the reward is too long, your child might lose interest or motivation. For example, your child might be hitting about once a day. You could try looking for two times in the day when she’s keeping her hands to herself, and reward her those two times.
Thinking about how much behaviour change to expect can help you and your child stay positive and realistic. You might look for small changes to reward before working your way up to a big change. For example, if you want your child to help more with tidying up, you could start by rewarding him for picking up the blocks. Then it could be the blocks and the dress-ups, and so on.
Stickers lose their value quickly. Unless the stickers are a way of earning other rewards, your child’s likely to lose interest.
Your child could get bored with the same reward. To avoid this, you could work together to set up a reward ‘menu’ with a choice of rewards to spend her stickers on. For example, 5 stickers = a game with mum or a chocolate frog, 10 stickers = a trip to the park or a small toy.
If your child can get the reward in other ways, it won’t be effective – for example, if the reward is a special food treat he also gets when he visits his grandparents.
Staying on the look-out for the behaviour you’re rewarding will help you catch your child being good. It’s a good idea to reward the behaviour as soon as you see it – your child might lose motivation if her efforts aren’t being noticed.[:zh]By Raising Children Network
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/using_timeout_to_guide_your_childs_behaviour.html
Discipline is teaching children the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. A time-out strategy can be a very effective form of discipline.
What time-out is
If your child is behaving in an unacceptable way, time-out is a behaviour strategy that can help.
Time-out involves taking your child away from interesting activities and not giving your child attention for a short period of time.
Time-out works best when it’s used with other child behaviour strategies – for example, in combination with praise for acceptable behaviour.
How time-out works
Time-out is a powerful way to teach children about unacceptable behaviour.
Even young children can understand that when they misbehave, they lose the chance to be around other people and interesting things for a short time. Time-out also gives your child the chance to think about what happened and what she might do differently next time.
And time-out is less likely to make children feel anger, shame or fear than other approaches to discipline such as smacking. Strong emotions such as anger can make it hard for kids to think about what they did wrong.
Time-out works well when the time you spend with your child is warm and loving. If your child’s behaviour, or other things in your life, are affecting the time you spend with your child, talk with your GP or a counsellor.
About quiet time and time-out
There are two types of time-out strategy – quiet time and time-out.
Quiet time
This is when you remove your child from the situation, but not the place. For example, if you’re at the park you might ask your child to sit under a tree. If you’re at home you might ask your child to sit in a chair against the wall in the same room as you.
You can take quiet time with you wherever you go. For example, you can use it in the park, at the supermarket or at a friend’s house. While in quiet time, your child might:
• calm down and feel more in control of his emotions
• see other children behaving in more appropriate ways
• see other children getting attention for positive behaviour
• get the idea that negative behaviour doesn’t get attention.
If your child won’t stay in quiet time in the same room, you can try time-out in another room.
Time-out
In time-out, your child goes to a previously arranged time-out area, such as a spare room or hallway, after misbehaving. The time-out area is usually a safe and boring room or location without toys or games.
You can leave the door of the area open, but if your child comes out before you say so, you can close the door until time-out is over. This can help to stop any battles between you and your child.
Closing the door might be the best choice if time-out leads to very loud or aggressive behaviour – from your child or you. Keeping the door open might be the best choice if you need to supervise your child during time-out.
A disadvantage of time-out is that you might not have access to a time-out area when you leave the house, especially if you’re out in public.
Introducing a time-out strategy in your family
Here are some things to think about before you start using a time-out strategy.
Staying calm
First of all, when you’re using time-out, it’s important to stay calm. If you find yourself getting stressed, try taking a few deep breaths to help relax your body and mind.
How old is your child?
Time-out can be a useful strategy for children aged 2-8 years. Children younger than two years aren’t usually ready for time-out.
Instead you can try praising your toddler when she does something well. Also, toddlers often respond well to distraction or changing the environment as ways to prevent unacceptable behavior.
Around the age of nine years you can start to involve your child in working out limits and rules. This helps him to learn the skills to manage his own behaviour as he grows. Read more in our article on discipline strategies for teenagers.
Is now a good time to start?
Sometimes children start behaving in challenging ways when there have been changes in their lives – for example, the arrival of a baby brother or sister, moving house, starting child care, preschool or school.
You might still choose to use time-out or you might choose to wait until your child has had some time to adjust to the changes. Either way it’s also a good idea to spend some time talking with your child about how she feels about the changes.
Which behaviour would you like to work on?
Think about your child’s behaviour and what you would like to change – for example, hitting or swearing. Keep in mind that it’s best to work on changing one behaviour at a time. When the behaviour you’ve chosen is no longer a problem, you could work on another behaviour – for example, throwing toys.
Do you want to use quiet time, time-out or both?
One option is using quiet time when you’re out in public and time-out when you’re at home.
How long will your child’s time-outs or quiet times be?
They don’t have to be long to be effective. A good rule of thumb is one minute per year of age, up to a maximum of five minutes. For example, three minutes maximum for a three-year-old and five minutes maximum for children aged 5-8 years. You could set a timer to help you keep track of the time.
Where will the time-out area be?
A good time-out spot is boring and safe. A hallway or spare room is ideal. Try to make sure there are no toys around, but also take care that the room is not dark or scary in any way.
Will you give a warning before putting your child in time-out?
You might want to give your child a chance to fix his behaviour before you use time-out. Or you might decide that some behaviour, like hitting or biting, should result in an instant time-out.
If you decide on a warning before time-out, be sure to follow through if your child’s behaviour doesn’t change. Otherwise, time-out won’t work.
How will you explain time-out?
It’s a good idea to talk to your child beforehand and explain what behaviour will lead to a time-out and what will happen. The best time to have this talk is when you’re both feeling calm.
For example, you’ll need to tell your child where she will sit quietly and how long this will last. Answer any questions she has. If you’re not sure whether she has understood, ask her to repeat back what you’ve said.
For younger children, you might practise what will happen using a teddy bear or doll, or even another adult.
Making time-out work for you
By Raising Children Network
If your time-out strategy isn’t working, you’re not alone. Common problems include children refusing to go, challenging behaviour during time-out or leaving time-out. You can make time-out more effective using these tips and solutions.
Seven ways to make your time-out strategy more effective
Time-out can be a good strategy to have in your child behaviour toolkit. Here are some tips for making it work well for you and your child.
1. Minimise attention during time-out or quiet time
Time-out or quiet time for your child is time without your attention. Avoid talking to, or looking at, your child during time-out or quiet time. Just go about your business as if your child wasn’t there.
2. Stay calm
If you lose your cool, you ‘reward’ your child with a dose of negative attention. This might make your child more likely to repeat the unacceptable behaviour. You might find that taking a few deep breaths helps you to relax.
3. Try to have ‘time-in’
‘Time-in’ is the happy, enjoyable time you and your child spend together. You can have time-in when your child is behaving well, and it can include the times when you praise your child’s good behaviour.
Creating time-in might sometimes be a challenge if your child has developed a pattern of negative behaviour, but without time-in, your time-out strategy loses its power.
4. Keep your time-out or quiet time short
Time-out or quiet time can help your child learn that certain kinds of behaviour are unacceptable. But if time-out is too long, your child might forget what it’s about and just feel angry and resentful.
Short time-outs or quiet times that happen straight after unacceptable behaviour are effective learning tools. Keeping it short also means your child has to wait less time to show what she’s learned and how she can behave well.
5. When it’s over, start fresh
When time-out is over, try to focus on something pleasant – for example, ‘What do you want to play with now?’ Avoid reminding your child of what he did wrong – for example, ‘Now, no more hitting your sister’. As soon as possible after the time-out, catch your child being good and praise your child.
6. Follow through
Time-out strategies work best when your child knows what to expect. Your child needs to know that if she behaves in an unacceptable way, she’ll always get a time-out or quiet time.
If your child knows he might be able to get out of it, time-out or quiet time becomes much less powerful.
7. Be consistent
If you have a partner it’s important that you both use time-out in the same way for the same behaviour. Time-out strategies work best when your child knows what to expect from both of you.
If you give a warning and your child doesn’t stop her behaviour or she stops at the last minute, give the time-out or quiet time straight away. If you give lots of warnings but never follow through, your child will learn not to take you seriously.
Four common time-out problems and how to solve them
1. Refusing to go to time-out
If your child is young, you can give him a choice – he can walk on his own, or you can carry him. By the time he’s too big to carry, he’ll be used to time-out or quiet time.
2. Challenging behaviour in time-out and quiet time
If your child’s behaviour is challenging when you give a time-out or quiet time, remind her that time-out begins when she’s quiet.
If your child’s behaviour becomes challenging – for example, he starts screaming before the time-out or quiet time is finished – you might choose to start the time-out again.
3. Repeatedly leaving quiet time
If your child refuses to stay still and quiet in quiet time, you can try time-out in another room. Time-out gives you the option to shut the door and gives your child a clear message that you won’t give her any attention.
4. ‘It’s just not working’
If you have a very strong-willed child, you might be having a hard time enforcing time-out. These ideas might help:
• Look for a reason behind the behaviour. Challenging behaviour might be about strong feelings like anger or jealousy. Helping your child work through these emotions can make it easier to change your child’s behaviour.
• Catch your child being good. Parents sometimes avoid commenting when their child is behaving well because they don’t want to interrupt their child and ‘break the spell’. This means the child gets more attention for bad behaviour than he does when he’s being good. Praising good behaviour when it occurs is a powerful way of getting the good behaviour to happen again.
• Use consequences. For example, if your child won’t go into time-out or quiet time, you can say something like, ‘Zoe, go into time-out now or you’ll miss out on watching television this afternoon’.
• Spend time with your child. You could draw together, paint, tell stories or go to the park. Sometimes challenging behaviour is a cry for attention.
• Ask for help. A professional – such as a counsellor or psychologist – can help you if you’re having trouble managing really challenging behaviour. Ask your GP or child and family health nurse for advice and a referral.
Time-out strategies for children with special needs
Time-out strategies can be useful tools for some children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or developmental delay who get agitated or overwhelmed.
By putting your child in a time-out area, you give her a safe space to work on calming herself. After a short time, such as 2-3 minutes, you can start a relaxing, pleasant activity together.
Things to note
If your child with ASD tends to use aggressive or self-injurious behaviour when he’s agitated, like head-banging or hand-biting, time-out strategies aren’t recommended, because they can reinforce the behaviour.
Some children with ASD who don’t like to interact with others might misbehave as a way of being sent to time-out. In these cases, it’s best not to use time-out. Talk with your child’s doctor or therapist about other ways to manage your child’s behaviour.
Using reward charts successfully
By Raising Children Network
Encouraging your child to change behaviour can be tricky. Reward charts can be a powerful way of kick-starting that change.
The basics
Reward charts, or star charts, are a powerful way of:
• encouraging behaviour you want, such as cleaning teeth without fuss
• discouraging behaviour you don’t want, such as hitting
• Rewarding your child for practising new skills, such as staying next to the trolley when shopping or putting all the toys in a box when asked.
How and why rewards charts work
Reward charts work well for children aged 3-8 years.
You can use reward charts when your child needs to work on changing her behaviour. Your child can collect stickers or tokens for the chart each time she behaves the way you want. She then swaps the stickers for a reward, or rewards, later on.
When your child tries hard to change his behaviour, a reward chart can show him when he’s done a really good job and keep him motivated.
Reward charts can also help you to focus on the positives in your child’s behaviour. This might be helpful if you’ve become frustrated by your child’s behaviour and have been paying more attention to negative behaviour recently.
A reward for good behaviour isn’t the same as bribing your child. The difference is that a bribe is given before the behaviour you want, and a reward is given after. Rewards reinforce good behaviour, but bribes don’t. For example, one reward might be that you let your child choose what’s for dinner if she plays well with friends.
Setting up a reward chart
1. Choose the behaviour you want to change or encourage. Use clear and positive descriptions of the behaviour, and talk with your child about the behaviour you want to see. For example, ‘Pick up all the toys from your bedroom floor’ is clearer and will be easier for your child to understand than ‘Tidy your bedroom’. And ‘Knock before going into other people’s rooms’ is more positive than ‘Don’t invade other people’s privacy.’
2. Set up a chart. You can choose from lots of different styles of charts, or make one yourself. Older children might like to create their own chart, perhaps with a drawing or photo of the reward they’re trying to earn. Put the chart where your child can see it. Keep in mind that your older child might prefer a spot that’s private – for example, his bedroom, instead of on the fridge. Decide which stickers or tokens to use – star stickers work well for younger children, whereas older kids might like points or other markers. Here are a couple of ready-made examples you could download:
o ladybug star chart
o frog in a pond star chart.
3. Choose short-term rewards. Most children start by liking the idea of collecting stickers or tokens, but the novelty can wear off quite quickly. When this happens, swapping the stickers or tokens for some short-term rewards can help them keep their eyes on the main prize. You could let your child choose from a range of objects, events and activities – a family bike ride, special time with mum or dad, staying up late, a hired DVD, or buying a new book or small toy.
4. Give your child the stickers immediately after the behaviour happens. Some specific praise reminds your child why she’s getting the sticker or token. For example, ‘I really like the way you and Mia have been playing and sharing toys this morning. Here’s a star for your chart’.
5. Try to stay positive. If your child doesn’t earn a star, just move on. Also try to avoid punishing your child by saying, ‘I’ll take a star away’, or ‘You won’t get any stars if you keep that up!’ Focus on encouraging your child to try again.
6. Move on from the reward chart. You can gradually stop using the reward chart once your child’s behaviour has changed. For example, you might gradually phase out the reward chart after a few weeks by increasing the length of time between stickers or points. If your child’s getting a sticker each day for unstacking the dishwasher, this could be increased to one sticker every two days. But if you suddenly stop using a reward chart, your child is likely to go back to the old behaviour.
7. Optional step: if your child has a particularly challenging behaviour, you might like to measure the behaviour before you start and while you’re using the reward chart. For example, count how many times, or how often, your child hits. Record this when you start using the chart, then keep track of it as the days pass. This will help you tell if the reward chart is working.
Your child’s charts and rewards can be based on his age and interests. For example, you could use a puzzle as your chart and give your child one piece at a time to build it. Reward charts can also work well for children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or a disability.
Trouble shooting
It works best to have frequent, small rewards. If the length of time between the sticker and the reward is too long, your child might lose interest or motivation. For example, your child might be hitting about once a day. You could try looking for two times in the day when she’s keeping her hands to herself, and reward her those two times.
Thinking about how much behaviour change to expect can help you and your child stay positive and realistic. You might look for small changes to reward before working your way up to a big change. For example, if you want your child to help more with tidying up, you could start by rewarding him for picking up the blocks. Then it could be the blocks and the dress-ups, and so on.
Stickers lose their value quickly. Unless the stickers are a way of earning other rewards, your child’s likely to lose interest.
Your child could get bored with the same reward. To avoid this, you could work together to set up a reward ‘menu’ with a choice of rewards to spend her stickers on. For example, 5 stickers = a game with mum or a chocolate frog, 10 stickers = a trip to the park or a small toy.
If your child can get the reward in other ways, it won’t be effective – for example, if the reward is a special food treat he also gets when he visits his grandparents.
Staying on the look-out for the behaviour you’re rewarding will help you catch your child being good. It’s a good idea to reward the behaviour as soon as you see it – your child might lose motivation if her efforts aren’t being noticed.[:id]By Raising Children Network
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/using_timeout_to_guide_your_childs_behaviour.html
Discipline is teaching children the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. A time-out strategy can be a very effective form of discipline.
What time-out is
If your child is behaving in an unacceptable way, time-out is a behaviour strategy that can help.
Time-out involves taking your child away from interesting activities and not giving your child attention for a short period of time.
Time-out works best when it’s used with other child behaviour strategies – for example, in combination with praise for acceptable behaviour.
How time-out works
Time-out is a powerful way to teach children about unacceptable behaviour.
Even young children can understand that when they misbehave, they lose the chance to be around other people and interesting things for a short time. Time-out also gives your child the chance to think about what happened and what she might do differently next time.
And time-out is less likely to make children feel anger, shame or fear than other approaches to discipline such as smacking. Strong emotions such as anger can make it hard for kids to think about what they did wrong.
Time-out works well when the time you spend with your child is warm and loving. If your child’s behaviour, or other things in your life, are affecting the time you spend with your child, talk with your GP or a counsellor.
About quiet time and time-out
There are two types of time-out strategy – quiet time and time-out.
Quiet time
This is when you remove your child from the situation, but not the place. For example, if you’re at the park you might ask your child to sit under a tree. If you’re at home you might ask your child to sit in a chair against the wall in the same room as you.
You can take quiet time with you wherever you go. For example, you can use it in the park, at the supermarket or at a friend’s house. While in quiet time, your child might:
• calm down and feel more in control of his emotions
• see other children behaving in more appropriate ways
• see other children getting attention for positive behaviour
• get the idea that negative behaviour doesn’t get attention.
If your child won’t stay in quiet time in the same room, you can try time-out in another room.
Time-out
In time-out, your child goes to a previously arranged time-out area, such as a spare room or hallway, after misbehaving. The time-out area is usually a safe and boring room or location without toys or games.
You can leave the door of the area open, but if your child comes out before you say so, you can close the door until time-out is over. This can help to stop any battles between you and your child.
Closing the door might be the best choice if time-out leads to very loud or aggressive behaviour – from your child or you. Keeping the door open might be the best choice if you need to supervise your child during time-out.
A disadvantage of time-out is that you might not have access to a time-out area when you leave the house, especially if you’re out in public.
Introducing a time-out strategy in your family
Here are some things to think about before you start using a time-out strategy.
Staying calm
First of all, when you’re using time-out, it’s important to stay calm. If you find yourself getting stressed, try taking a few deep breaths to help relax your body and mind.
How old is your child?
Time-out can be a useful strategy for children aged 2-8 years. Children younger than two years aren’t usually ready for time-out.
Instead you can try praising your toddler when she does something well. Also, toddlers often respond well to distraction or changing the environment as ways to prevent unacceptable behavior.
Around the age of nine years you can start to involve your child in working out limits and rules. This helps him to learn the skills to manage his own behaviour as he grows. Read more in our article on discipline strategies for teenagers.
Is now a good time to start?
Sometimes children start behaving in challenging ways when there have been changes in their lives – for example, the arrival of a baby brother or sister, moving house, starting child care, preschool or school.
You might still choose to use time-out or you might choose to wait until your child has had some time to adjust to the changes. Either way it’s also a good idea to spend some time talking with your child about how she feels about the changes.
Which behaviour would you like to work on?
Think about your child’s behaviour and what you would like to change – for example, hitting or swearing. Keep in mind that it’s best to work on changing one behaviour at a time. When the behaviour you’ve chosen is no longer a problem, you could work on another behaviour – for example, throwing toys.
Do you want to use quiet time, time-out or both?
One option is using quiet time when you’re out in public and time-out when you’re at home.
How long will your child’s time-outs or quiet times be?
They don’t have to be long to be effective. A good rule of thumb is one minute per year of age, up to a maximum of five minutes. For example, three minutes maximum for a three-year-old and five minutes maximum for children aged 5-8 years. You could set a timer to help you keep track of the time.
Where will the time-out area be?
A good time-out spot is boring and safe. A hallway or spare room is ideal. Try to make sure there are no toys around, but also take care that the room is not dark or scary in any way.
Will you give a warning before putting your child in time-out?
You might want to give your child a chance to fix his behaviour before you use time-out. Or you might decide that some behaviour, like hitting or biting, should result in an instant time-out.
If you decide on a warning before time-out, be sure to follow through if your child’s behaviour doesn’t change. Otherwise, time-out won’t work.
How will you explain time-out?
It’s a good idea to talk to your child beforehand and explain what behaviour will lead to a time-out and what will happen. The best time to have this talk is when you’re both feeling calm.
For example, you’ll need to tell your child where she will sit quietly and how long this will last. Answer any questions she has. If you’re not sure whether she has understood, ask her to repeat back what you’ve said.
For younger children, you might practise what will happen using a teddy bear or doll, or even another adult.
Making time-out work for you
By Raising Children Network
If your time-out strategy isn’t working, you’re not alone. Common problems include children refusing to go, challenging behaviour during time-out or leaving time-out. You can make time-out more effective using these tips and solutions.
Seven ways to make your time-out strategy more effective
Time-out can be a good strategy to have in your child behaviour toolkit. Here are some tips for making it work well for you and your child.
1. Minimise attention during time-out or quiet time
Time-out or quiet time for your child is time without your attention. Avoid talking to, or looking at, your child during time-out or quiet time. Just go about your business as if your child wasn’t there.
2. Stay calm
If you lose your cool, you ‘reward’ your child with a dose of negative attention. This might make your child more likely to repeat the unacceptable behaviour. You might find that taking a few deep breaths helps you to relax.
3. Try to have ‘time-in’
‘Time-in’ is the happy, enjoyable time you and your child spend together. You can have time-in when your child is behaving well, and it can include the times when you praise your child’s good behaviour.
Creating time-in might sometimes be a challenge if your child has developed a pattern of negative behaviour, but without time-in, your time-out strategy loses its power.
4. Keep your time-out or quiet time short
Time-out or quiet time can help your child learn that certain kinds of behaviour are unacceptable. But if time-out is too long, your child might forget what it’s about and just feel angry and resentful.
Short time-outs or quiet times that happen straight after unacceptable behaviour are effective learning tools. Keeping it short also means your child has to wait less time to show what she’s learned and how she can behave well.
5. When it’s over, start fresh
When time-out is over, try to focus on something pleasant – for example, ‘What do you want to play with now?’ Avoid reminding your child of what he did wrong – for example, ‘Now, no more hitting your sister’. As soon as possible after the time-out, catch your child being good and praise your child.
6. Follow through
Time-out strategies work best when your child knows what to expect. Your child needs to know that if she behaves in an unacceptable way, she’ll always get a time-out or quiet time.
If your child knows he might be able to get out of it, time-out or quiet time becomes much less powerful.
7. Be consistent
If you have a partner it’s important that you both use time-out in the same way for the same behaviour. Time-out strategies work best when your child knows what to expect from both of you.
If you give a warning and your child doesn’t stop her behaviour or she stops at the last minute, give the time-out or quiet time straight away. If you give lots of warnings but never follow through, your child will learn not to take you seriously.
Four common time-out problems and how to solve them
1. Refusing to go to time-out
If your child is young, you can give him a choice – he can walk on his own, or you can carry him. By the time he’s too big to carry, he’ll be used to time-out or quiet time.
2. Challenging behaviour in time-out and quiet time
If your child’s behaviour is challenging when you give a time-out or quiet time, remind her that time-out begins when she’s quiet.
If your child’s behaviour becomes challenging – for example, he starts screaming before the time-out or quiet time is finished – you might choose to start the time-out again.
3. Repeatedly leaving quiet time
If your child refuses to stay still and quiet in quiet time, you can try time-out in another room. Time-out gives you the option to shut the door and gives your child a clear message that you won’t give her any attention.
4. ‘It’s just not working’
If you have a very strong-willed child, you might be having a hard time enforcing time-out. These ideas might help:
• Look for a reason behind the behaviour. Challenging behaviour might be about strong feelings like anger or jealousy. Helping your child work through these emotions can make it easier to change your child’s behaviour.
• Catch your child being good. Parents sometimes avoid commenting when their child is behaving well because they don’t want to interrupt their child and ‘break the spell’. This means the child gets more attention for bad behaviour than he does when he’s being good. Praising good behaviour when it occurs is a powerful way of getting the good behaviour to happen again.
• Use consequences. For example, if your child won’t go into time-out or quiet time, you can say something like, ‘Zoe, go into time-out now or you’ll miss out on watching television this afternoon’.
• Spend time with your child. You could draw together, paint, tell stories or go to the park. Sometimes challenging behaviour is a cry for attention.
• Ask for help. A professional – such as a counsellor or psychologist – can help you if you’re having trouble managing really challenging behaviour. Ask your GP or child and family health nurse for advice and a referral.
Time-out strategies for children with special needs
Time-out strategies can be useful tools for some children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or developmental delay who get agitated or overwhelmed.
By putting your child in a time-out area, you give her a safe space to work on calming herself. After a short time, such as 2-3 minutes, you can start a relaxing, pleasant activity together.
Things to note
If your child with ASD tends to use aggressive or self-injurious behaviour when he’s agitated, like head-banging or hand-biting, time-out strategies aren’t recommended, because they can reinforce the behaviour.
Some children with ASD who don’t like to interact with others might misbehave as a way of being sent to time-out. In these cases, it’s best not to use time-out. Talk with your child’s doctor or therapist about other ways to manage your child’s behaviour.
Using reward charts successfully
By Raising Children Network
Encouraging your child to change behaviour can be tricky. Reward charts can be a powerful way of kick-starting that change.
The basics
Reward charts, or star charts, are a powerful way of:
• encouraging behaviour you want, such as cleaning teeth without fuss
• discouraging behaviour you don’t want, such as hitting
• Rewarding your child for practising new skills, such as staying next to the trolley when shopping or putting all the toys in a box when asked.
How and why rewards charts work
Reward charts work well for children aged 3-8 years.
You can use reward charts when your child needs to work on changing her behaviour. Your child can collect stickers or tokens for the chart each time she behaves the way you want. She then swaps the stickers for a reward, or rewards, later on.
When your child tries hard to change his behaviour, a reward chart can show him when he’s done a really good job and keep him motivated.
Reward charts can also help you to focus on the positives in your child’s behaviour. This might be helpful if you’ve become frustrated by your child’s behaviour and have been paying more attention to negative behaviour recently.
A reward for good behaviour isn’t the same as bribing your child. The difference is that a bribe is given before the behaviour you want, and a reward is given after. Rewards reinforce good behaviour, but bribes don’t. For example, one reward might be that you let your child choose what’s for dinner if she plays well with friends.
Setting up a reward chart
1. Choose the behaviour you want to change or encourage. Use clear and positive descriptions of the behaviour, and talk with your child about the behaviour you want to see. For example, ‘Pick up all the toys from your bedroom floor’ is clearer and will be easier for your child to understand than ‘Tidy your bedroom’. And ‘Knock before going into other people’s rooms’ is more positive than ‘Don’t invade other people’s privacy.’
2. Set up a chart. You can choose from lots of different styles of charts, or make one yourself. Older children might like to create their own chart, perhaps with a drawing or photo of the reward they’re trying to earn. Put the chart where your child can see it. Keep in mind that your older child might prefer a spot that’s private – for example, his bedroom, instead of on the fridge. Decide which stickers or tokens to use – star stickers work well for younger children, whereas older kids might like points or other markers. Here are a couple of ready-made examples you could download:
o ladybug star chart
o frog in a pond star chart.
3. Choose short-term rewards. Most children start by liking the idea of collecting stickers or tokens, but the novelty can wear off quite quickly. When this happens, swapping the stickers or tokens for some short-term rewards can help them keep their eyes on the main prize. You could let your child choose from a range of objects, events and activities – a family bike ride, special time with mum or dad, staying up late, a hired DVD, or buying a new book or small toy.
4. Give your child the stickers immediately after the behaviour happens. Some specific praise reminds your child why she’s getting the sticker or token. For example, ‘I really like the way you and Mia have been playing and sharing toys this morning. Here’s a star for your chart’.
5. Try to stay positive. If your child doesn’t earn a star, just move on. Also try to avoid punishing your child by saying, ‘I’ll take a star away’, or ‘You won’t get any stars if you keep that up!’ Focus on encouraging your child to try again.
6. Move on from the reward chart. You can gradually stop using the reward chart once your child’s behaviour has changed. For example, you might gradually phase out the reward chart after a few weeks by increasing the length of time between stickers or points. If your child’s getting a sticker each day for unstacking the dishwasher, this could be increased to one sticker every two days. But if you suddenly stop using a reward chart, your child is likely to go back to the old behaviour.
7. Optional step: if your child has a particularly challenging behaviour, you might like to measure the behaviour before you start and while you’re using the reward chart. For example, count how many times, or how often, your child hits. Record this when you start using the chart, then keep track of it as the days pass. This will help you tell if the reward chart is working.
Your child’s charts and rewards can be based on his age and interests. For example, you could use a puzzle as your chart and give your child one piece at a time to build it. Reward charts can also work well for children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or a disability.
Trouble shooting
It works best to have frequent, small rewards. If the length of time between the sticker and the reward is too long, your child might lose interest or motivation. For example, your child might be hitting about once a day. You could try looking for two times in the day when she’s keeping her hands to herself, and reward her those two times.
Thinking about how much behaviour change to expect can help you and your child stay positive and realistic. You might look for small changes to reward before working your way up to a big change. For example, if you want your child to help more with tidying up, you could start by rewarding him for picking up the blocks. Then it could be the blocks and the dress-ups, and so on.
Stickers lose their value quickly. Unless the stickers are a way of earning other rewards, your child’s likely to lose interest.
Your child could get bored with the same reward. To avoid this, you could work together to set up a reward ‘menu’ with a choice of rewards to spend her stickers on. For example, 5 stickers = a game with mum or a chocolate frog, 10 stickers = a trip to the park or a small toy.
If your child can get the reward in other ways, it won’t be effective – for example, if the reward is a special food treat he also gets when he visits his grandparents.
Staying on the look-out for the behaviour you’re rewarding will help you catch your child being good. It’s a good idea to reward the behaviour as soon as you see it – your child might lose motivation if her efforts aren’t being noticed.[:]
