[:en]On Being Assertive[:]

[:en]Basically, as a social creature, every individual would always need to cooperate with one another. That each individual is dependent with one another is a natural phenomenon in life. In that connection, communication plays important role in it. The communication style of each individual will be largely determined by the family and educational background of the person as well as  his/her habits and personality. In relation to the way someone communicates his/her feelings/ideas, people in this world is divided into three groups of people: passive, assertive, and aggressive group of people. You are not expected to be a passive figure or an aggressive one. In order for communication to take place effectively, you have to perform assertive behavior.

What is assertive behavior? There are several definitions of assertive attitudes. The Cambridge online dictionary defines the word assertive as “behaving confidently and not being frightened to say what you want or believe”. Two scholars, Alberti and Emmons (2002), suggests that assertiveness is a behavior that enables one to act for his own good, to defend his rights without worry, to express his feelings comfortably, and to exercise his rights without violating others. Assertive behavior is the ability to express one's feelings and affirming one's rights while he himself still appreciates the feelings and rights of others. Other scholars, Fensterheim and Baer (1975), reveal some characteristics of individuals who have high assertive behavior, such as having the ability to feel free to present themselves, to communicate well openly, directly, honestly and appropriately. In addition, s/he also has an active orientation in life to achieve what is desired. From some of the above definitions, it can be concluded that assertive ability is a synthesis of five aspects: the aspect of firmness, responsibility, confidence, honesty, and respect for others.

How to foster assertive behavior in children? Check out the statements commonly made by parents when commenting on their children  behaviour:

1.  An angry father to his son, Dimas, who often gets up late.

   Father: “Dimas, what’s wrong with you? The bigger you are, the lazier you are.

                 Look, it’s already 7 o’clock. You’ll be late for school now”.

2. A mother talk to her son Kevin (8 y o), “Why didn’t you tell me your shoeswere torn? It’s very embarrassing you know! “

3. A mother scolded her child Mirza (10 y o), “Well, you forgot to make your homework again, right? Last night I already reminded you, didn’t I”.

Now let's consider the more assertive version of the above remarks:

1. “Dimas, you seem to have difficulties to wake up early in the morning. What if you go to bed earlier?”
2. “Kevin, I see that your shoes are torn. Sorry, Mama is not paying attention to them. How about going to a shoe store tomorrow.
3. “Your homework is not done yet? Is there anything you need help with?”

Well, it’s not at all that easy. Our children need a role model to develop their assertive skills. And, it is us, parents (any adults around them), who have to set real examples of performing assertiveness.

To demonstrate assertive communication is not easy. It takes extra effort because we are required to think before saying. Besides that, we must first give an example in communicating assertiveness at home. Let us consider how we usually communicate with  our spouse, husband or wife. Also with helpers (house maid) , other family members at home. Without a good example, it is difficult to direct

children to develop and grow their potentials to be a person with assertive behaviour.

The same thing may also happen in the workplace where some superiors tend to fail to maintain authority simply because they do not have assertiveness in their communication style with his/her subordinates.

Instead of being assertive, many bosses tend to show their power with aggressive arrogance and attitude. Yet, such behavior is precisely counter-productive both for the individuals and organizations.

In conclusion, let's practice to grow and develop assertive attitude both in our home environment and in our workplace, SHB, within which teachers are expected to nurture the three principles of education: knowledge, faith and character.

Compiled from various sources:

1. http://etzawijayanti.blogspot.com/2013/05/asertivitas-perilaku-asertif-adalah.html
2. http://indrawakaf.blogspot.com/2011/01/komunikasi-asertif.html
3. https://bagawanabiyasa.wordpress.com/2013/08/03/meningkatkan-kemampuan-asertif/

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